Jun 17, 2015 20:14
8 yrs ago
Russian term
United States
Quality translations at reasonable rates
Native in: English 
Works in: Russian to English, Bulgarian to English
саженьи
Russian to English
Art/Literary
Poetry & Literature
Lines from a Mayakovsky poem
…Я планов наших люблю громадье,
Размаха шаги саженьи…
Размаха шаги саженьи…
Proposed translations
(English)
| 4 | long (strides) |
Michael Korovkin
|
| 4 +1 | sazhen long |
Victoria Batarchuk
|
| 4 +1 | seven-league |
Rachel Douglas
|
Proposed translations
2 days 18 hrs
Michael Korovkin
Italy
Italy
Native in Russian
&
English
Specializes in field
Italy
Native in: English 
, Russian
Works in: Russian to English, English to Russian, Italian to Russian, and 2 more.
Related KudoZ points
:
174
Selected
long (strides)
Just that.... I think
"giant" would be an exaggeration, but if you wanna exaggerate, well...
"giant" would be an exaggeration, but if you wanna exaggerate, well...
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer.
+1
12 mins
Victoria Batarchuk
Ukraine
Ukraine
Native in Russian
Ukraine
Experienced technical/legal translator
Native in: Russian , Ukrainian
Works in: English to Russian, English to Ukrainian, Russian to English, and 3 more.
Related KudoZ points
:
8
sazhen long
From an old Russian measure of distance ("sazhen").
See "sazhen" here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsolete_Russian_units_of_meas...
Сажений шаг (т.е. шаг длиной в одну сажень) = a sazhen long step;
Саженьи шаги (т.е. шаги длиной в одну сажень каждый) = sazhen long steps
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Note added at 23 mins (2015-06-17 20:38:01 GMT)
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P.S. I don't envy you the task of translating Mayakovsky...
See "sazhen" here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsolete_Russian_units_of_meas...
Сажений шаг (т.е. шаг длиной в одну сажень) = a sazhen long step;
Саженьи шаги (т.е. шаги длиной в одну сажень каждый) = sazhen long steps
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Note added at 23 mins (2015-06-17 20:38:01 GMT)
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P.S. I don't envy you the task of translating Mayakovsky...
Peer comment(s):
| agree |
danya
: Perhaps even sazhens long
1 hr
|
|
Thanks!
|
|
| neutral |
Susan Welsh
: I'm dubious about using a word that no one will have ever heard of and that will require a footnote.
1 hr
|
|
Yes, Susan. I was not going to give a poetic translation. I just intended to explain the exact meaning of the word.
|
+1
4 hrs
Rachel Douglas
United States
United States
Native in English
Specializes in field
United States
Excellent English from Russian originals
Native in: English (Variants: Australian, US, British)
Works in: Russian to English
Related KudoZ points
:
384
seven-league
OK, so seven-league is, literally, a wee bit larger than 2.133 meters or some normal multiple thereof, but, on the other hand, it's a good English idiom, as in "seven-league boots." What's more, I found a fragment of someones translation of the poem, which happened to be exactly this one:
"I admire the scale of our plans, and the scope of our seven-league strides."
Myself, I'm not enamored of strides having "scope," but I like the rest of it. Source for the fragment: Google Books came up with snippets from a volume of Travel to the USSR, 1977, issues 58-63. It's on page 64.
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Note added at 5 hrs (2015-06-18 01:26:22 GMT)
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And somebody else, at least once, also found "seven-league strides" right for Mayakovsky's shouting about big steps, even though the Russian in that case is different. In "Мистерия-Буфф" the farmhand (батрак) says, "Рай шажищами взроем!" Guy Daniels writes translates this, "With our seven-league strides we'll plow up Paradise!"
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Note added at 5 hrs (2015-06-18 01:26:45 GMT)
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Cx. Delete the word "writes" in the second to last line.
"I admire the scale of our plans, and the scope of our seven-league strides."
Myself, I'm not enamored of strides having "scope," but I like the rest of it. Source for the fragment: Google Books came up with snippets from a volume of Travel to the USSR, 1977, issues 58-63. It's on page 64.
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 5 hrs (2015-06-18 01:26:22 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
And somebody else, at least once, also found "seven-league strides" right for Mayakovsky's shouting about big steps, even though the Russian in that case is different. In "Мистерия-Буфф" the farmhand (батрак) says, "Рай шажищами взроем!" Guy Daniels writes translates this, "With our seven-league strides we'll plow up Paradise!"
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 5 hrs (2015-06-18 01:26:45 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
Cx. Delete the word "writes" in the second to last line.
Peer comment(s):
| neutral |
danya
: this is definitely a nice English idiom, but Mayakovskiy is not about being nice)
6 hrs
|
|
Thanks for commenting, but I do think it suits well; that the other translators who used "seven-league" for various poetical ways M expressed really big steps, had a good idea. Not "nice," but "good." ("Хорошо!" - ? Anyway, not "nicey-nice.")
|
|
| agree |
Susan Welsh
11 hrs
|
|
Thanks, Susan.
|
Discussion
Нам, здоровенным,
С шагом саженьим,
Надо не слушать, а рвать их,
Их,
Присосавшихся бесплатным приложением
К каждой двуспальной кровати.
En:
We in our vigour,
whose stride measures yards,
must not listen, but tear them apart
them,
glued like a special supplement
to each double bed!
http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/classics/russian/repository/files...
Definitely I dare not opine on how this "seven-league" sounds to a native speaker's ear, and I trust your perception.
The Russian tradition generally prefers keeping the original measures in translations, so that's perhaps where I am coming from here.
The reference to Pushkin may be implied or maybe not, I cannot tell, but again: громады is quite regular usage and is neutral or slightly elevated, while the collective neologism громадьё sounds coloquial and even rudish in register (cf. тряпьё, мужичьё, дурачьё, старьё and other words formed on the same pattern)
I also think that using a specific unit of measure, as he did, even if a different one, increases the shock of the language and is a better choice that just one or another word for "very big." (That comment is not particular addressed to you.)
By the way, do you think that in this passage M deliberately invoked other famous Russian verses on the rapid, willful transformation of the country through a construction project - "Медный всадник"? The declamatory "Люблю..." reminds me of it, I guess also the image of the rapid building of huge things, conveyed by "громадьё"; compare "По оживлённым берегам / Громады стройные теснятся / дворцов и башен"...
I'm loving the hugeness of our plans,
Our sweeping stride...
… I love our sweeping plans,
Our long stride…
I looked for the poem in English but was only able to find a fragment, and these two lines weren't in it.
Critique, anyone? Suggestions?